Why I became a counsellor - Loss
People often ask me why I became a Counsellor. There are many reasons, a longing to help others, to allow them the time to feel heard, respected and listened to and to not feel as alone, to support, give them empathy and warmth and to be there for them.
One of the main reasons I decided to become a Counsellor was from my own heartbreaking experience of grief and loss.
Many years ago, I lost my niece. She was just fourteen, we did not have her with us for a long time, the time we did have together was in the end noticeably short but filled with memories, fun and laughter. Her death left me with an unbearable pain and hole in my heart. Just functioning and getting through daily tasks following her loss were hard and exhausting. The constant feeling of sadness that engulfed me and the yearning to get through the day and just sleep so that I would not have to think and work through these feelings became all I focused on. I couldn’t eat, sleep, or concentrate and I didn’t want to spend time in the company of many other people. I preferred it in my own world with my own memories. I also found it hard to express how I was feeling to others, many people avoided me, or they didn’t seem to know what to say or what support to offer which then tended to make me feel even more lost and alone. In a world where there is much focus on interacting via messaging, social media, and other applications sometimes its hard to stay connected emotionally with other people.
Reaching out to family and friends can feel hard, each person affected by the loss is on their own journey and grieving process. Many people grieve in many ways. Some people may wish to keep busy, carry on with life and try to return to doing things that they enjoy very quickly whilst others feel unable to do anything. It can be the same with photos and videos some people love to look at them and take comfort in that whilst others cannot face looking at them and put them away out of view. Comfort can be found by going to a resting place or favourite place of the person, by looking for shining stars in the night sky or feathers and rainbows, lighting candles, listening to music or holding a favourite piece of clothing, smelling their perfume or eating their favourite meal. All these things can bring a little peace and help you to hold onto special memories.
Grieving can be a very lonely place; it can take you to places that you never thought you would go. The sadness, anger, hopelessness, feelings of loneliness and desolation, the physical loss of the person but also the loss of all their hopes and dreams, the times that you will not get back or future times you won’t share together. The plans that they and you had and the things that they will miss. Family events can be hard and the guilt that can overwhelm you when you do enjoy something or laugh and have fun. The constant awareness that somebody is missing. The pain of perhaps not being able to say goodbye.
It took me four years of grieving to finally accept that my niece had gone and letting go of the grief was extremely painful, it felt like it was something that I had clung on to that allowed me to be close to her again. I knew it was the right time. Counselling helped me to work through the grieving process, it was a place where I could cry, be sad, frustrated, or angry and a place where I felt safe and heard too.
That’s really why I became a Counsellor and I hope that if you are struggling in any way that reaching out to somebody will also help you too.
“You gave me a forever, within the numbered days.”
John Green, The Fault In Our Stars.
Caroline Owen, EWG Counsellor.