The Wonders of Touch
From the minute that we are born we are touched and held. A mother or carer will hold a child to give warmth and comfort after this rude awakening into the world. Babies in Special Care Baby Units are prescribed touch sessions to ensure that they thrive. As humans we often take touch for granted but we learn to appreciate the social and relational norms around touch.
Western society may be more conservative when it comes to demonstrating affection and communicating via touch in social settings compared to other cultures. The British and many other nationals are known for their hand shake, the French and others for their cheek kisses, New Zealanders rub noses, In United Arab Emirates they bump noses, to name but a few traditions.
These shows of common courtesy and welcome have disappeared recently with the ongoing restrictions imposed by the Covid pandemic. Keeping your distance may bring on a wave to someone you know; an elbow touch has become the protocol for public figures in particular.
So how are we coping without it? What has this lack of social contact done to our senses and community behaviour? Perhaps we will not fully realise the impact of lack of touch until much later; we may even still have to limit our close contact behaviours to close family and friends. Has the group hug gone forever? What about High Fives to team mates?
“There are studies showing that touch signals safety and trust, it soothes. Basic warm touch calms cardiovascular stress. It activates the body’s vagus nerve, which is intimately involved with our compassionate response, and a simple touch can trigger release of oxytocin, aka “the love hormone.” “(Hands On Research: The Science of Touch Dacher Keltner explains how compassion is literally at our fingertips). https://greatergood.berkeley.edu/article/item/hands_on_research
It might be a useful exercise to ask yourself what your “touch” experience was like prior to the Covid Pandemic. You may have a personality that doesn’t relish too much physical contact, especially with strangers. On the other hand you might be wired to hug every stranger that you come into contact with. It is good to respect our differences and be aware of our varying expectations in regards to touch and personal space.
But what about the pat on the back, putting an arm around someone’s shoulder, the gesture of touching a hand in response to someone’s expression of feelings! Will the spontaneity of affectionate touch return or will we be overly cautious out of fear of catching a virus, or will we just feel too socially awkward to show affection to others?
Healthline has written an article on Touch starvation! Yes, there are proven symptoms of not being touched, mainly of feeling overwhelmingly lonely and this feeling can be combined with feelings of low mood, anxiety, stress and difficulty sleeping. But there are also ways to manage this and even undo the effects: why not spend time with animals or cuddle a pet; pamper your body with a warm bath, a foot massage, washing your hair, moisturising your skin, or massaging your joints. When rules allow why not have a hair cut, get your nails done, have a massage or learn to dance.
The Covid pandemic has impacted our ability to physically touch others. In effect we have experienced a loss and anytime we feel a loss we also experience grief, which is a normal human psychological process of learning to adapt to changes in circumstances. Knowing this fact, remember to be kind to yourself. Understand that the emotions that you are experiencing and the “out of the ordinary” behaviours you are demonstrating may be due to this loss.
Sending you a virtual hug!
Diane, EWG Counsellor