The importance of self care

What is self care?

Many of us find it difficult to place importance on self care, whether we feel like we should be doing the housework, replying to emails, focusing on the kids or helping out friends and family. And of course these other things are important, but they can’t always go ahead of our own self care.

We explored in our previous blog about what self care is, that this can be as simple as taking 5 minutes to relax or refocus, it can be a walk, reading a book, going to the gym, playing an instrument and many more activities that for you feel relaxing/ energising/ good/ soothing.

Why do we need to do it?

Think about when you have made time in your life for things that you enjoy, this might have been going on a holiday or taking part in an event, or going out with friends. How do you think you respond to things when you are feeling good after doing these things? Do you think you are more relaxed or more able to take things in your stride? Perhaps you are more able to see the funny side of things or even be more able to problem solve and engage in relationships and work.

Now think about a time where you have not been able to do these things, perhaps you have been so overwhelmed with work there hasn’t felt like there is time, maybe it has been when you didn’t have the money to do the things you would usually do, or even with the pandemic when it has been harder to do some of these things. How do you think you react differently when you are in this place? Maybe you are more likely to feel stressed or overwhelmed? Perhaps you find it harder to take things in your stride, maybe snapping or feeling upset by things easily? You would possibly even find it harder to engage in relationships or concentrate in work.

This is why self-care is so important, it is the thing that builds our resilience, that helps us to feel relaxed and have the mental wellbeing to cope better with stressors and every-day life in general. If you focus on self-care and do it regularly then you will be in a better place to problem solve, multi task, see the funny side, engage with others, be effective in work and feel more energised and relaxed.

Is it selfish?

The short answer is- absolutely not!

A saying I noticed out there somewhere was:

“Selfishness is putting your own wants above other needs,

Self-care is putting your own needs above others wants.”

This is important just because someone might want something from you, doesn’t mean that this is more important than what you need for yourself at that time. And if nothing else you are less able to be there for others when your own resilience is low. Have a look at the two analogies below:

When you get on a plane and read the emergency instructions they explain how to proceed if the oxygen masks are released. The advice is that you must secure your own mask before helping others or before helping your children, the main reason I can see for this is that there is no point putting your child’s mask on and then passing out from lack of oxygen and therefore leaving them to survive the rest of the crisis alone. But if you put the mask on yourself first you can then put their mask on and help them through the rest of the situation. The same goes for mental health and self-care. If you don’t focus on your own self-care then you won’t have the resilience to truly engage with your children’s needs, to be able to react in an even manner, to have fun and respond in a positive way, you will still be a good parent and will still take care of your children, but you would likely be able to do it better and for longer if you looked after your own wellbeing first.

If you are the type of person who really enjoys looking after others, who finds a great sense of self and sense of fulfillment from being the caring one to other people, then it can be very hard to focus on self-care. But if you imagine you are a jug, what you do is pour your compassion, support, care and love in to the cups in your life. However if you don’t remember to top your jug up with same things or if you don’t ask others to help you to do this sometimes, then eventually you will run empty and if nothing else, you can’t pour from an empty jug.

So have a think about what small things you could add in to your life that maybe do some of the following things for you:

• Makes you feel good

• Leaves you feeling relaxed

• Gives you a healthy escape from stress

• Helps you to feel relief from frustration or stress

• Gives you time to unwind

some of these activities might be:

• Reading a book

• Listening to music

• Going for a walk

• Riding a bike

• Going to the gym

• Learning a new skill

• Watching a box set

• Eating healthily

• Having a bath

• Pampering yourself in some way

Importantly make sure you have several ways of engaging in self-care so that you are not relying on only one.