Social anxiety - breaking that cycle (behaviour)

At difficult times in our lives we can feel like we are going round in vicious circles and often feel overwhelmed that we cannot figure a way out or a way to make sense of what is going on for us.

This cycle often involves our “Thoughts" “Feelings" “Behaviour" and “Physiological Impact” which interlink with each other like a domino effect causing the cycle to continue to go round.

An example of this in practice....You may find it overwhelming to be in social situations. Some thoughts you have may be along the lines of “What if I say something stupid?” “What if they think I am boring?” “Nobody will be interested in what I have to say". These thoughts are identified as ‘Negative Thoughts’. These thoughts may make you feel “anxious" “stressed" “self-conscious" “afraid" “worthless". This in turn may impact on you physiologically such as cause you to have “palpitations" “sweat" “tense muscles” and affect your behaviour so you may decide to “avoid" social situations.

A way to break the cycle is to focus on one particular area, either on your thoughts, feelings, physiological affects or behaviour. This can help you to focus and allow you to make sense of your situation in a manageable way. It is useful to set small realistic targets for ourselves to reach our final goal.

An example of this....You make choose to focus on your behaviour to break the cycle of avoiding social situations with your final goal being to be able to socialise. To get to this final goal, it is sensible to implement smaller realistic targets to get you there .Only set yourself one goal at a time an when you have completed that goal you can move on to the next. Lets use the example of finding it difficult to interact with other parents at school pick up time:

1. Enter the school playground at pick up time 5 minutes earlier instead of waiting outside or in the car.

2. You may stand closer to others without necessarily interacting.

3. You may offer a smile to the other parents.

4. You may say hi to one of the parents.

5. You may say hi, how are you, to one of the parents and build on this a step at a time.

You never know, this may get to a stage of going for a coffee with one of the parents you have got to know!

This step by step goal system can be used on a school playground, at work or wherever you are struggling or even a brief phone call to a someone you know if face to face is initially a challenge, which can progress to a video call in the comfort of your own home before meeting up face to face.

Whatever the situation setting those small goals helps you to get to your final destination and will in turn allow you to break down those other three areas, for example you may feel less anxious and more positive about yourself, you may believe and think you are important and interesting and this may stop the tension in your muscles, the sweating and reduce the palpitations.

This article focused on the behavioural changes you might make, we will follow up with another blog on the thoughts and feelings in these situations

This is a form of self help that you can try by yourself or you can speak to a professional counsellor to receive the support you need. The important thing to remember is to set goals you think and feel you can work towards and to go at the pace right for you.

Asma -= EWG Counsellor